if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
