Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
