nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
