we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
