wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
