Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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