I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
