Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
