i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
