"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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