tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
