just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
