Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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