Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
