Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
