The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There r osticjed everywhere
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am mentally ready for anal.
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