the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
