I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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