It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
