He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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