I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
PANTIES FOUND
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