It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
