he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
