I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize