I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
