i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
