u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
