and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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