He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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