you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
