Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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