Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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