Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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