So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
