Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
