So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
