next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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