The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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