you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
