guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
