So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
