so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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