Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
