She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
