His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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