Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
