In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
