Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
