New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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