I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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