Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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