Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
