is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
