We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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