I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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