do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i think i just lost a toe
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
