I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
