my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
