Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
