Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
