i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
